3 Handy Phrases Every Beloved Going Through Cancer Needs
1. When you don't feel like talking about your health.
“Today’s not a good day for me to talk about my health, but it would help me so much to hear about you! Tell me what you’ve been up to. What’s on your mind lately?”
This response helps because…
There will be some people you want to share your health details with, but keeping lots of people updated will mean spending a disproportionate amount of time talking about cancer, leading to an unnecessarily heavy dose of unpleasant emotions.
People don’t want to feel shut out, so saying “today’s not a good day” makes it temporary.
People want to know how they can help, so giving them permission to distract you by talking about themselves helps satisfy them.
People often shy away from sharing their problems with someone going through a large stressor like cancer. Yet hearing other people’s problems makes us feel better. That’s because being a good friend is part of who we are, and also, we don’t want to be the only one with a problem! Give your friends permission to share their own troubles with you.
2. When asked what others can do to help.
“Thanks so much for asking. Let me connect you with my friend [name], whom I lovingly call my Healing Cruise Director. They have some ideas and you can sign up for what seems right for you, if there is anything. Really, just knowing you care means the world.”
This response helps because…
Your job right now is to take care of your health. Now isn’t a good time to organize a crew of volunteers.
When we feel scared or worried, our ability to be creative is compromised. It may be hard right now for you to think of how others can support you.
Check out the Healing Cruise Model I propose to get 1-3 people close to you to organize any friends and family who wish to help.
If you’d rather, you can point people to my resource on Gifts & Gestures.
3. For questions about treatment that you don’t know the answer to or don’t feel like answering.
“I don’t know yet. I will figure this out with experts as I go. There are lots of informed people to advise me, and they really care about me getting healthy.”
This response helps because…
You’re going to be treated like the expert on your health, even in the early days when you can’t possibly be the expert yet.
Don’t feel bad that you don’t know, and definitely don’t let it unnerve you. It’s normal for it to take time to get enough information to craft your best treatment plan.